March 8th, 2010
Denzel and Gary… make a boring movie… filled with little to no realistic tension.
A what seemed to be promising film about a man that mysteriously wanders a post apocalyptic Earth looking for something that ends up being ***SPOILER ALERT*** Alcatraz Prison and protecting a book ***SPOILER ALERT*** that ends up being that King James version of the bible in braille is an updated version of Mad Max without all the cool parts. The movie is littered with 3 minute scenes of Denzel using the machete he has and sharpens every night while listening to Al Green on his Dr Dre “Beats” headphones and 2 generation apple iPod. The movie takes an even more unrealistic turn for the worse when Denzel eventually meets up with an untouched Mila Kunis (who can’t read) and unwillingly ends up having to take her on the journey with him after having to save her from a really awkward mutant rape scene (see: “The Hills Have Eyes”).
Eventually, after a quick assist from human eating married couple trapped in a house. Dumbledore and Olympe Maxime (the huge French chick that brought those girls with the blue outfits from the other magic school and madeout with Hagriff) get killed after about 15 minutes before all is revealed as a boring allusion to religion and the selfish humanity that is modern day man in real life. The movie takes an even worse twist when Denzel dies in the end while wearing an Islamic robe leaving all of his equipment and end scene starring Kunis with a setup for her starring, in an even worse sequel.
I give it 1.5 out of 5.
Meaning, you should actually only watch a downloaded version of this movie, or better yet, stream it. Because downloading it and taking the risk of getting caught watching it isn’t worth the better quality of viewing this movie.
Though the machete scenes are cool, so if you’re REALLY bored.
