This is the cutest thing i’ve ever seen in my life.
I don’t think my soul has ever awwwed so much in my life.
I remember when i used to watch this show when i was younger and be pumped on the existence of Sega Genesis.
Its strange how the world evolves.

So it begins, the search. What search Kayoum are you talking about? Well, i’ll tell you what i’m talking about. Its called the “blackout”, something that i’ve been told by many exists. Now personally, i’ve drank a lot, i’ll even admit the fact that i’ve gotten sick a handful of times from drinking so much. I’ve also drank so much that i’ve ended up on top of buildings with a bottle in my hands screaming at people in the middle of a suburban neighborhood. Regardless of these circumstances, never have i ever “blacked out”.

I personally believe the “blackout” was something made up by white college girls who do a great amount of things during the course of their being drunk that they don’t want to admit to. The same goes for white college guys who cheat on their girlfriends every weekend they get the chance. Now why would someone just lie about “blacking out”? Well i thought about that too. See the “blackout” isn’t lying really, because you don’t remember anything that happened. So that time you cheated on your girlfriend where you have fragmented images of titties bouncing around, and waking up in the morning with a thong on your floor can be easily explained as,

“Listen bro i totally blacked out i think i just passed out early.”

Or in the case of a young female,

“Listen Andrea, i did not suck off two dudes last night! Haha why would you say that? I just totally blacked out and passed out early.”

See what i mean? So that now brings me to the search. I have begun experiments on a regular basis to attempt to experience this “blackout” i’ve heard so much about. The experiment will be conducted for the next few weeks and has already been underway. The last experiment occurred in Chinatown. It consisted of this Japanese beer that was actually pretty good. Who knew they could do other things well besides electronics, cartoons, and hot bitches? I then tried a scorpion bowl, which i hear are, “Really supposed to do the trick!” A white person told me that, and white people i guess are the world’s experts on getting drunk. I also drank a lot of sake (Japanese rice wine), which i’ve grown quite fond of, champagne, and sambvca.

But guess what? Even though i got quite thoroughly drunk… no “blackout”.

A discovery that was made was that Malaysian ice tea is amazing.

This actually happened to me once. Except, i was clutching my belongings from a white person.

Please note:

1. Obama shakes his hand like a true black man.
2. You can tell by his walk that he’s thinking, “What’s good baby?!?”
3. He sounds exactly like that wrestler The Rock. Imagine that he’s saying, “Do you smell what the Rock is cooking?”
4. “You don’t run for second.”
5. VOTE! GET INFORMED!

Everyone always says things like, “These are the best years of your life.”

I don’t understand why people say things like that frequently. I guess pass the age of 28 everything gets incredibly boring or something. Maybe its because i’m obsessed with love songs, and romantic comedies. I sit in the office at work and sing love songs all day. My bosses tell me its against company policy to sing that much during company hours, but i don’t really care. When they walk away i can see them sort of smiling.

Singing makes me really happy. But the idea of being older makes me happier. I can imagine having a nice colonial townhouse for a while, with a little garden outside that i use to make me feel like i’m contributing to the environment. I’d have a decent car in the driveway, and a little dog inside. The idea of children makes me really happy too. I hate it when parents make jokes about giving their children away. As much as i can be pretty stubborn, whenever i see little children i just melt and want to hand out presents. Like Santa… but a muslim west indian one.

I’ve thought this way since i’ve been 8 years old. A friend told me the other day that the equilibrium in my life will never work out because by the time people age another 7 years i’ll still be further ahead. I hope they were wrong or i’m always going to feel sort of out of place.

This new stuff i’ve been writing and doing pre production for is some of the most gratifying stuff i’ve ever written. Its weird how it all came together. Things just keep coming out of my mouth and brain, things that i thought i couldn’t think up of. I wrote this song the other day called “Mickey Blue Eyes” that i named after this Hugh Grant movie that kind of sucks. Everything happens for a reason, and i feel like recording this record was supposed to happen. I feel something big is shifting my way. Call it karma, energy, or just religion, but i feel like something is headed this way and in a big way.

Whenever people tell me that these are the best years of your life i always laugh. I am excited to be half a decade older. Unfortunately i’m going to have to wait a half decade to get there. I don’t know why i just made this so personal. I hope no one reads this.

“I want to chew your face, and I want to scoop out your eyes and I want to eat them and chew them and suck on them.”